Important announcement

Starting from now, all subsequent reviews will be moved to a new blog called “What the F*@# Am I Reading?” So please make sure you bookmark and follow the NEW blog, not this one. Thanks to everyone who has been following me so far!

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A Descent Into Madness, Twilight Review 23, 24, and Epilogue

Well, I’ve done it. I’ve finished this abominable book. It’s been a long, hard road, but it’s over. Until I start New Moon…Ugh. This is sort of another triple review. Ish. Chapter 23 was only 6 pages, so obviously I couldn’t just review it on its own. And after chapter 24, there was only an epilogue left, so I decided to just plow through to the end. So here we go. The exciting (not really) conclusion of Twilight. Continue reading

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A Descent Into Madness, Twilight Review 20, 21, and 22

This is a first, guys. Stephenie Meyer is so inept a writer that I had to make this review cover three chapters just to have enough material to talk about. Let me explain my process to help you understand a bit what I mean. When I read, I have a pen and paper next to me where I jot down comments, page numbers, and quotations I intend to use in my review. The first chapter yielded about one page of notes. Typical chapters give at least two, sometimes three pages. Fine. I continued on to the next chapter, expecting to get enough notes to make up the difference. Wrong. That chapter gave me four note; just a third of a page, guys. NOTHING WAS HAPPENING. I had to plow through a third chapter just to have enough worth talking about. So here you go; a special treat. Three reviews in one. LET’S DO THIS. Continue reading

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A Descent Into Madness, Twilight Review 19

This was another short chapter, around 15 pages or so, and I honestly wasn’t expecting much out of it. I’m not exactly sure how to write this review, if I’m being perfectly honest. Or how to really lead into the review with this intro. I think maybe we should just get started.

Twilight review, Chapter 19: Goodbyes

Okay, so this is awkward. Like, really really awkward. I think I…kind of liked this chapter?

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I know! I kept reading expecting it to turn terrible by the end of the chapter and it didn’t! That isn’t to say this chapter is perfect, however. There’s misogyny and victim blaming and bad writing aplenty, but if you take this chapter on its own, without the context of the rest of the book and the “characterization” Meyer has done over the last 400 pages, it’s genuinely kind of exciting. So let’s get into it. Continue reading

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A Descent Into Madness, Twilight Review 18

This chapter was short, barely fifteen pages. I had initially thought about combining this review with the next chapter review because both together are only 30 pages. But as it turned out, I had plenty to say about this short chapter. This review is over 8 pages long, half as long as the chapter it’s reviewing. And it could have been significantly longer had I the energy or inclination to go into gory detail about everything that’s wrong with it. I touched on the important bits and I’m happy with it. Enjoy, everyone.

Twilight, chapter 18: The Hunt

As you may recall, chapter 17 involved the (apparently) infamous vampire baseball scene, which was cut short by the imminent arrival of another clan of vampires. These vampires are presumably not as strict about their diets as the Cullen clan and Bella’s presence posed a problem should she be discovered. Chapter 18, true to Meyer form, picks up right there. Continue reading

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A Descent Into Madness, Twilight Review 16/17

Because chapter 16 was incredibly short and completely pointless as its own chapter, you guys are getting a double review with this one. If it works well, I may adopt it for subsequent books so that I can get through this awful series twice as fast. Are you guys ready for some serious wankery? LET’S DO THIS!

Twilight, chapter 16/17: Carlisle/The Game

So chapter 15 left off with Edward tasting Bella’s tears and offering to show her the rest of the house. In chapter 16, Edward shows her…Carlisle’s office? Yeah, he takes her to Dad’s office. For some reason. The office actually sounds kinda cool. It’s full of old photographs and paintings and tons of books. Edward physically moves Bella around the room like a child, because, you know, that’s his thing. But it’s cool because Bella lubes up every time he touches her. Continue reading

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A Descent Into Madness, Twilight Review 15

You know, I honestly thought I was prepared for any creepiness this series could throw at me after Edward’s breath makes Bella’s mouth water or the whole Edward-watches-Bella-sleep thing. Turns out, I was wrong. So very wrong.

 

Twilight, chapter 15: The Cullens

 

By and large, this is another chapter that isn’t awful from a storytelling standpoint, but is marred by a number of familiar problems and one massively disturbing action that literally made me slam the book shut, throw my pen, and shout, “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!” Yeah, it was one of those chapters. So let’s get started.

As usual, the chapter more or less picks up where the last one left off. In chapter 14, Bella and Edward sleep together. And by that, I mean Bella falls asleep with Edward sitting next to her probably staring at her. They cuddle and touch each other and basically do everything but sex, because that would kill them or something. Continue reading

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